Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
