butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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