If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
