I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
