I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
