I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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