I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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