The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
