I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
