there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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