you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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