Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
