I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
