Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
