your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
