dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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