So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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