Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
