why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
