How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
