I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All the doctor said was why
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
