Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
