Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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