i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
