I wanna bring you to show and tell
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
