if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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