Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
