I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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