my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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