If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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