i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
