I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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