I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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