I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
