She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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