Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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