dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The best revenge is premature balding
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
