I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
