Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
time to smoke my breakfast
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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