I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
