He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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