I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
BRING THE BAGELS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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