yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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