Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
