Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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