I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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