Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
