He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
