wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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