How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
don't judge my taste in strippers
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
