I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
