Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
