Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
