My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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