Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
