she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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