Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
