Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've blown a few things in my day
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
