do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your cock deserves a montage
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
