i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
