The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
