She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
