My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I look better un-naked...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
