I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
