I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
